


Me Myself and I

by Meowler



Category: Naruto
Genre: A shit-ton of swearing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Haruno Sakura-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, No Romance, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Relationships, Time Loop, Time Travel, ish, lots of platonic love between Kakashi and Sakura ♡, not at first tho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24646048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meowler/pseuds/Meowler
Summary: It begins with the, honestly, quite disgusting reunion of Mebuki and Kizashi Haruno, and no matter how pleasurable or not it was, it always ends with the same result. One premature baby girl with a pink tuff of hair and glowing green eyes.As a child she was shy, smart, loyal, with maybe just a sprinkle of obsessive on top. She grew up strong, resilient, she was a respected and rewarded kunoichi.She was also dead.Or - the one where each Sakura that dies becomes an inner for the next one.Inspired by: Time Flies Like An Arrow by Katlou303
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura & Inner Haruno Sakura
Comments: 85
Kudos: 198





	1. The First

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Time Flies Like An Arrow](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12668358) by [Katlou303](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlou303/pseuds/Katlou303). 



> Sooo I've been working on this for a while and thought to start posting to get myself back in the mood.  
> Have fun <3

The circumstances were all the same.

It begins with the, honestly, quite disgusting reunion of Mebuki and Kizashi Haruno, and no matter how pleasurable or not it was, it always ends with the same result. One premature baby girl with a pink tuff of hair and glowing green eyes.

As a child she was shy, smart, loyal, with maybe just a sprinkle of obsessive on top. She grew up strong, resilient, she was a respected and rewarded kunoichi.

She was also dead.

As 80% of shinobi do, they die in active duty, and Sakura wasn't any different, it's one place she actually fit in. But instead of meeting a graceful Kami that will guide her to the next step of existence, she met nothing.

Just nothing.

Although Sakura was dead (sword from jaw to skull - a hell of a way to go), she could feel the presence of her chakra, and could curl her toes and hands, feel the huff of air that left her nose. It was dark, it was silent, no smell no taste, it was nothing, until she heard a cassette tape whirring itself somewhere.

Approaching , she spot a small screen with two long antennas, whirring to adjust it's colors and sounds to the picture of a newly born pink green eyed baby girl.

After the initial shock of - What The Fuck, this Sakura came to a conclusion:

She was seeing her life flashing before her eyes.

She was wrong, of course, but she didn't know that.

The more she watched, the more her surroundings developed. Instead of a black space with the screen the only halo of illumination, there was a sitting area, a blanket and some lamps. Sakura was going to spend here a while. More so than she ever thought.

But she wasn't surprised seeing it all, even though she should have been.

The effect was like having an genjutsu blanket over the entire place, bit by bit it would unfold, and she would sense the difference, but somehow wasn't one bit surprised about it. Like it completely made sense there was a new change of clothes instead of her current bloodied ones, when she knew for fact there was nothing there a second ago.

Like an absurd dream she somehow knew made sense in her mind. It was her Headspace after all. It could do anything it wanted.

The screen didn't stop for Sakura's explorations, time moved on outside as well as in. By the time Sakura found a dark wooden door with her name on it, the little Sakura on screen was about to meet Ino for the first time all over again.

So, tired from her explorations, Sakura sat down to watch the very first meeting of her best friend, she knew this one off by heart you see, so when it turned out different then what she knew, she began to come to another conclusion.

She remembered wrong.

She was frustrating, this one, really.

It was peaceful, if a bit boring and lonely to be the only one in a somewhat endless space with only the vision of her little self and the nagging thoughts the little one emitted loud enough to hear. But she forgot all about lonely and boring the moment she heard little Sakura's thoughts on one brooding Uchiha.

Somehow, after everything she's relived so far _, this_ is what drove her up the wall. She hid behind the couch because _\- I can't see this again, it's_ too _cringey_ , but she couldn't escape the voice. Sakura began trashing the place in search of the speaker that was tormenting her, but it seemed to come from everywhere, practicly from the ground itself. 

In Sakura's passionate struggle of denying her past, she noticed a new bright sliding door. She opened it, once again talking to herself about _dear Kami WHY,_ and to much of her surprise, the thoughts echoing from her little non-self stuttered for a moment, she looked back at the screen and found that this Sakura, for at least this instance, decided to move on.

The door stayed open from there on out, and whenever Sakura had something to say about little Sakura's decision she tentatively spoke (and sometimes yelled) for her to change it. As time went on, and little Sakura began to hear her clearly word for word instead of just an inclination of what her Inner was saying, Sakura came to another conclusion.

There was _another_ Sakura, both the same and different from herself. It was shocking, it was _impossible_ , it was her reality. But Sakura had greater things to focus on at the moment, mainly, guiding her little self through life as a shinobi, as a human being with emotions and doubts that’s bound to make mistakes, and possibly _her_ mistakes.

They began talking more, Sakura helping her little not-self with life. She called her little Saki-chan (even she could admit Sakura was as unoriginal as it got, yet she couldn't do much better), and they experienced life together. Laughing at Naruto's pranks, whispering words about their silly Sensei, and fangirling when Tsunade smashed a rock for the first time.

It was beautiful, especially the time she taught Sakura to circulate chakra in her tenketsu a bit earlier then Tsuande taught her, and both of them relished in the mentor's shocked face.

Saki-chan took all her teachings to heart, being a better shinobi, a better person, surviving longer, _living_ longer. Sakura didn't know they could be so sneaky and stealthy, she took after Shizune-senpai for poisons, and to get extra _super_ serious Saki decided to make her entire wardrobe non descript black, including her hair.

Sakura couldn't believe she never did it in her own lifetime.

They were _literally_ inseparable the two, Sakura was happy with living life again with her little sister, so she almost forgot the shinobi part. The shinobi _dying_ part.

Her little sister died. Her little sister who was technically older then her now _stopped existing._ And Sakura couldn’t handle the guilt, the shining sign of _Failed_ always pointing at her because Saki was suppose to have a happy, long life. The one she herself didn't have.

She hasn't cried like this since she was alive (and isn't that quite a sentence), and it was letting too much tension resurface into her being that she couldn't find herself in it. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder and Sakura startled up, it's been _years_ since she's been touched, she's been so alone, so deprived of human contact except from a voice. She looked up, to see the green teary eyes, only a shade paler then hers, of her little sister looking down at her.

Her baby sister was with her, she wasn't alone anymore, they were together in this stupid weird place and it wasn't good, but it was less horrible. Until she realized there's another baby crying on the now slightly bigger screen.

Another baby.

Another _her_.

Another _Fail._

Another one that's going to die because no matter what, that's how all life eventually ends.

Sakura couldn't take it. She grew tired, she grew weak. Saki doted on her even though it's always been the other way around, is _suppose_ to be the other way around. She failed the one person she always bet on. Herself. And twice she failed.

She began to sleep.

From then on, Saki had to see her big sister, the guiding star in her life, her ideal, her motivation, disappear into her room to sleep for hours on end to weeks and then years. Only popping out every few decades or so to traverse the mess of halls that keeps growing the more Sakura's are born.

She's trying best to do what her Nee-chan did for her to the other Sakura's that eventually come and go. Be their star, their support, their sister.

It's hard.

Saki still doesn’t know how to approach the Sakura's, for her there was always this tiny voice in the back of her mind, nothing different then what other people seem to have. Only for hers one day to start taking real shape, a real _form_ , in her later years she could really _see_ her, her sister's soft sweats and braided pink hair, she had a presence, a personality in her mind.

But Saki is stumped. She knows how to be subtle, how to slip in and out, with a dead body as the only clue she was there, but in people? People are _hard_. Her best friend was herself and other people around her were just that, other people that weren't her nee-chan. She didn't imagine that trying to talk to a variation of herself could be this frustrating.

How is she supposed to tell them that she's an Inner, a past Sakura that has already lived their life multiple times before. How is she suppose to tell them they keep getting reborn, no matter how many times they go through this again. How are they suppose to accept that?

It's frustrating enough that she starts thinking of going out, painting the blunt truth in bright colorful words all over the Hokage monument like one of Naruto's still amateur pranks. 

Next thing she knows, there's an alcove on the left of the screen, with big menacing double doors that she somehow _knows_ lead to the outer world. To somehow take the current Sakura's place. Trying to avoid thinking of it doesn't make it go away, and she just hopes that no one, especially her sister, notices her mistake.

So she's still back at square one, and she tries to communicate with them, she really does, whispers and inklings at first, but she also knows herself, and that apparently no matter the Sakura they're all very stubborn. They're going to make the same mistakes her sister worked so hard to make _sure_ she didn't do, Saki can't let all that hard work go to waste.

But they reject her, somehow they learn to shut the room her sister discovered all those years ago, so no one can talk in it. They develop, their mind and conscious mutating to allow more flexibility and control in the fact that multiple people are living inside them.

But for her, it only gets worse.

She didn't expect them to like her, after all, no one will have the type of relationship she and her sister have, but she didn't expect them to _question_ her.

In hindsight, it was a stupid, a voice early on talking to you saying which course has the highest chance of success and which one has the highest chance of death, _might_ not have the affect of reassuring they're a sane person, really.

So they go get checked out with Yamanaka's, which only ends up tearing the Headspace to floaty wandering bits. Walls crumble, black holes slowly sucking in matter start to appear in the ground, the halls leading to each their individual rooms and own Memory Lane, twist and overlap in what is starting to become a maze.

The headspace used to be neat; a common room with the growing screen and growing amount of colorful couches and pillows. On the left of the screen, the Outer Doors she tries not to look at, to the right the bright sliding door enabling communication between the Inners and Current Sakura. In the back, a simple hall.

Now, you can wonder in the maze for hours, days on end with the sinking feeling, that you're literally getting lost inside your own mind, just to suddenly make a turn that happens to be the common room again, but from a hall that didn't exist before you left.

By the time they get to lucky number 13 (she has a growing board in the common room with their chosen names once they "join" them) Saki has finally had enough, and doesn’t let herself make any more mistakes.

She shuts the bright Inner Voice sliding door, locks it even, she can't have any more mishaps, any more black holes and sudden canyons inside the Maze. What if she never finds her sister's room again? What if she suddenly wakes up and get's lost? what is she gonna do? The duty and hope that her sister will be with her once again is the only thing that's pushing her to go more.

So she let's fate have it's course, convinced it'll do a better job then herself. After all, her older sister survived, and turned out to be the best thing in her life, didn’t it? But in doing so she forgot the first life-important lesson she ever learned.

Those who abandon the comrades are below scum.

She let fait decide the course of action, and fate decided that one of their more regretting inners (Kohana, number 9) one day slid her way to the Outer Doors while everyone was asleep. Causing a ruckus in a Konoha that wasn't her own, knowing things she shouldn't, doing forbidden techniques, crying over people she had lost but were standing right there in front of her.

In the end, Danzou, the councilmen Saki already doesn't like, took notice. Kohana returned to a seething and secretly guilty Saki, got thrown in her room for an undisclosed amount of time but the damage was already done. Danzou took the Current Sakura, number 13 - out trying to gauge the secrets that her predecessor kept spewing.

Saki couldn't even try to help, she shut down communications between them and was it too late to open them back up with her. So that’s how 13 didn't have an inkling of an idea of what was going on except that she was tortured for information she didn't have. She died, and joined them just like the others, but this time with a raised red scar on her throat from when they had enough of her _lies_ , and the mental inability to use her voice.

She came to their Headspace not knowing what it was, why it was there, not knowing the people who looked alarmingly like her, all somehow skilled in shinobi arts like her, that were _threats_. Saki had to deal with defending herself and the Headspace while trying to calm and explain to her while also checking if another baby was on the growing screen.

It was practically hell.

After that, she starts losing count, the only thing saving her is the board. By number 19 - Sakumo - who she dubs the problem child, she's exhausted.

He didn't want anything to do with them. He managed to lock the inner and outer doors by himself (much to 13's sense of peace) and completely blacked out the screen that was letting them know about the outside world.

That was another kind of torture, not only for Saki and 13, it was torture for the other Inners too. Usually the Sakura's before the Current one should be their main Inner, but Saki made mistakes, they didn't want that. They eventually reclused.

And now that there was no day and night cycle, no weather or seasons, no sun no _sky_ , nothing to ground them to the reality that was happening outside, they got lost. Either in the halls, with nothing to tether them to this place, or in their rooms with no reason to come out (Kohana disappeared too, much to Saki's guilt), so more and more Sakura's reclused.

Sometimes she forgot their names, panicking, she went to the board but the spaces for their name remained empty, she didn't have memories of them, even though their own Memory Lanes still existed somewhere in the depths of the Maze.

The cycle continued, there was a Hitomi, a Chiyo, aoi, Ichigo… they came and went, some staying for longer, some not at all. Every few lifetimes her sister would pop out thankfully, her existence held together by the mere fact that Saki wouldn't let her go, or she'd be lost too.

Out of 83 Sakura's only 7 remained present in the Headspace. It was just about time for 84, and Saki was about to break.

______________

_"Would you fucking relax you have Kakashi as your Sensei."_ Sakumo was growling, looking at Sakura rushing through civilians and shinobi alike.

He would never admit, but he quite liked this Current even if she was stupid enough to listen to that prick _._ The kid had some spunk, and admittingly, after losing himself in the mind for about 25 lifetimes in the Maze, he took care to always be near the Common Room, and therefor near this Current Sakura.

_"First impressions are important though."_ Sakura returned in her mind. Others had to learn to compartmentalize her thoughts, she was born with it.

"Yeah well, he should fuckin' learn that too."

Sakura slowed to a jog upon seeing the ground entrance, _"Why do you hate him so much? Didn't you name yourself after his father?"_

Sakumo groaned "It's no always about _him_!" This fucking kid, he swears.

"Okay, Kami, okay, don't get your panties up in a twist."

Sakumo grumbled, he taught her that one, not that she remembered of course, she was practically a toddler at the time, but he couldn’t tell her that. If Saki found out he was done for.

_"Also, where's Noa-san?"_

He rolled his eyes, _"Don't think of her. She'll show up."_

In the sun she spotted Sasuke working on throwing his Kunai to one of the logs in the middle of the grounds. She waved and he gave her the customary nod and 'Hn.' as a reply. _"She's just usually here whenever she knows Sasuke is gonna be around."_

Naruto came rushing in "Sakura-chan! Sakura chan!! You're here!" He came to a stop in front of her, "I'm not late right?" Before she could reply he was bounding off to Sasuke shouting, "Oi, Teme! Thanks Sakura-chan!"

Inside, Sakumo sighed and crossed his legs over the coffee table nearest to him, there were like a billion anyway along with the couches so it didn't matter if he got one dirty. Or that's what he'd shout back at Saki when she got all pissy about it.

_"Just whatever, go get along with your new brats,"_ He picked up one of his manga, _"Tell me when Kakashi comes, I'll be glad to embarrass him on his own stupid test."_

Sakura hummed noncommittally, then sat down in the shade, overlooking her teammates and started reading her book. From what she heard from her inners - it was gonna be awhile.


	2. No Goody In Genjutsu

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't look at it anymore, here take it \o/

It's not that Kakashi is _always_ late it's just sometimes he's early and prefers to be the only one graced with the knowledge. There's a lot to be learned once you see how someone handles frustration. On the other hand there might be something to say about those who actively look for it, but semantics - really.

It's about slip-ups and secrets.

Today though, there were no secrets and Kakashi brooded up on his tree while fantasizing about a hot bath and fluffy bed. He was a simple man who wanted simple things you see, on top of that list was to not feel constantly chakra drained, but why would the world give him any favors, hm.

Case in point: He was observing the three gremlins he was bound to take on as students whether he liked it or not.

The problems were already clear: The Uchiha refusing help and therefor refusing _to_ help, in what's suppose to be a _team_ dynamic. Naruto, who has the need to prove his mere existence to the world from how the village treated him.

(As Hound, he took most of the watch duties on the boy, but he's been forced out of ANBU for a few years now, and he didn't have the courage to face Naruto without a second mask on.)

Then there's the pink one, which just, really _? Really?_ That seemed relatively normal from her file at least; intelligent, a potential for genjutsu, obedient with an aggressive streak that was subtly encouraged. Only faults noted were her struggles in the physical tests and her tendency to space out sometimes.

He'll need to fix both, no matter how good or bad a shinobi you are, if you space out on a mission, it's over. It'll be twice as crucial for her since she'll be considered the easy target of the group, and that's not even considering the pink.

She was also too trusting during introductions, which can be good for a team dynamic - it just rubbed him the wrong way.

Anyone with eyes could see that Sasuke wore angst like it was a fashion statement, Naruto shouted what he already let everybody knew about him - pranks and ramen, and Sakura looked him in the eye and divulged information about herself he didn't feel he earned yet.

It wasn't much but it felt like a lot;

She hates being alone, likes sweets and books and wants "To make the people I love happy."

_Well._ He didn't quite know how to react, _Good luck with that then?_

It was… _alarming_ , but not necessarily in a bad way.

Later Naruto got all teary and asked if he was one of those precious people - apparently they were friends. Then she shoved his shoulder and smiled while Sasuke pouted and looked away.

It was all very lovey and dovey and _weird_ , unless it wasn't and that's just what they wanted him to think - But really, how smart can any 12 year old be?

\---------------------------

He's in the middle of a grassy clearing, kunai scattered in odd angles around his feet and about 15 meters away were the three devil children holding his precious book.

The only reason he doesn't shushuin and grab it out of their grubby hands is because it was one of the more smutty ones. He could have never lived with himself if someone found the more tender ones in his collection.

And, sure, he wanted to see what they would do. _I guess._

They were peeking in it - because fine, who wasn't curious at their age, but they could at least try to be shinobi about it instead of Naruto mock whispering "Sensei is so filthy!!" In a conspirational tone.

He wasn’t even their sensei yet!

The pink one was now a few shades pinker than her hair and she grabbed the book from her partner in crime, giving it a scrutinizing look as if trying to solve a puzzle.

_Good luck cracking that one._

Finally the Uchiha got them back on track, albeit in a way even Kakashi couldn't foresee; "Uhh… Sensei… can we have the bells now?" He coughed, " _… Please?"_

Naruto blanched, that was the first time he _ever_ heard him say please - the boy was now truly traumatized he concluded.

Kakashi sighed and slumped, "Yes, I think that's enough lessons learnt for the day."

He heard a nu-uh from the pinkette and went to trade his book for the bells. He didn't give it to them of course, that would be un-ninja of him, instead he gave them an old receipt he had in his pocket and genjutsued it. The pink one frowned at him but didn't say anything.

"So we pass?" she asked

He grumbled "Fine." checking for any oil stains or damage.

"Sweet!" Naruto cheered while Sasuke scrutinized the paper.

Kakashi hummed "Well, until next time then." and shunshined to a tree, taking with him the genjutsu.

At least Naruto's squawk was satisfying.

\------------------------

After about three weeks with the gremlins, he was summoned to the Hokage's office for a progress report. He was quite nervous to be honest, he wouldn't say the three grew on him but... they were like new-born puppies; Adorable and incredibly stupid.

Kakashi decided to be polite and shushin to one of the windows sills.

The Hokage didn't even blink "Kakashi-kun, come in."

He hopped off to stand in front of him, tapping the fingers in his pockets as the only nervous giveaway he would allow himself. Kakashi knew he got away with a lot and he had the tiniest mind to say thank you to the man each time before leaving, but always decided against it.

"So," The Hokage rifled through his papers, old eyes searching for new documents "How is the new Team 7 doing?"

"Maa," Kaka automatically shrugged, "The Uchiha and Uzumaki cause most of the tension," Kakashi needs to separate them most of the time, but that might be because they need more human contact; _double the head pats_ , he concludes. "Haruno seems eager to please and bond with them, which sometimes helps smooths things over, but she has some self-worth issues that should be checked out."

"Good, good," He murmured, and Kakashi's brow involuntarily twitched up, "Any change in the Kyuubi seal or the sharingan?"

"Nothing to report sir."

He hums, "And how many D ranks does this team have so far?"

_Uhhhhh…_ Kakashi ruffles through his pockets, he must have put it on a note somewhere right? He got tired of writing the reports on their second mission so he taught them and lost track. As long as it had haikus and silly encoded information - he didn't mind, was even slightly proud. 

Plus he was pretty sure Iruka wouldn't clock _them_ on the head once they handed it in.

"I… think around twenty two or twenty three sir…." He really did get away with a lot.

He sighed, "Alright that's good enough, I'm assigning you a C-Rank outside the village."

Kakashi blinked and after a moment debate with himself - "Uh, permission to speak freely sir?"

A slow nod.

"They're just… not even a month out of the academy…" _Incredibly_ stupid _,_ "I'm not sure if this would harm them more then benefit…"

This was already a ground for insubordination but…

Hiruzen mournfully sighed, "You're right - they're mint green, but the council has it's demands and they're breathing down my neck about the Kyuubi and Uchiha gaining some experience. I can't push them off any longer Kakashi-kun."

Kakashi swallowed, _You could_ he, thought _, You're the Hokage_ , but instead hummed, trying to keep the displeased out of his tone.

"That's all Hatake, dismissed."

Reluctant, Kakashi internally sighed and shushined out.

\----------------------------------------------

The genin were in their usual training ground, all of them surprisingly working in relative peace.

During training, after Kakashi's procrastination/observation time, he would drop hints at what they could be good at and what they needed to improve, if they get it wrong they'll just have more experience anyway before they get it right.

So aside from the taijutsu that he hammers in to them (Sakura particularly struggles on those days) he's directing them in different places so they'll be well rounded.

Naruto was very clear that he liked cool ninjutsu and he has the chakra stores to keep it up, so Kakashi gave him a few good C Ranks to work on his control while still being to have the glam. Maybe later he'll teach him more about traps, he's seen firsthand how Naruto likes his pranks, which Kakashi cheerfully didn't stop any.

With Sasuke he gave two scrolls, one a challenging lightning technique which he hasn’t touched and the other a suppose-to-be-easy fire one he tore through.

Kakashi is still waiting for the moment Sasuke discovers he has a lightning affinity instead of fire. There are easier ways to get the same results - he just doesn’t see it yet.

Plus, if he leaves him scrolls about Uchiha history and techniques on his bed with a henohenomoheji on it, no one has to know. 

With Sakura he gives extra endurance training both physical and chakra wise at the same time to build her reserves. He also checked out some chuunin-ranked genjutsu books she's been working on, though he can't seem to find her at the moment.

Peculiar.

\----------------------

Sakura is some meters away in the shade, with a genjutsu scroll in her lap and tears building in her eyes.

_"Why isn't it working? I've done everything it told me to do."_

_"I don't know, read it again?"_ Sakumo huffed, he lost one of his nose piercing's and he doesn't know how, but he's blaming Noa. One time he woke up to see her trying to cover his tattoos with body paint - _'I'mma just need to know your allergies'_ she smiled innocently then snickered deep in her throat.

Innocent his fuckin' _tattooed_ ass.

_"Sakumo!"_

_"What."_

_"Help me!"_ it was a whine she was not proud of but she figured she was privy to that in her own mind.

Sakumo on the other hand growled in frustration. He's so killing that crazy blonde midget, _"I don't know kid, I was never good in Genjutsu."_

A shriek pierced her mind and Noa's squeaky voice rang in the common room, _"Sakumo! I swear to the Madara you's gonna pay for breaking ma hair dryer. You_ know's _it doesn't respawn quick."_ Noa stomped down the hall with high platformed boots that still made her short. The only thing physically intimidating about her really was her hair; thick, long double braids, laced with chakra and entirely uncuttable.

They were a hazard to _everybody_ involved. Especially if she decided to twirl on the spot and 'accidently' chop someone's head off.

Sakumo wasn't affected, _"Why would I even want it? It's only filled with your piss-wire hair."_

_"AHA! So you_ have _seen it!"_ She had to be on her tippy toes to try get all up in his face - she only reached his chin, _"And it's called strawberry-blonde ya dipshit!"_

He shoved her out of his bubble, "We don't even gotta shower and shit always disappears so what you comin' to me for?"

_"A - it's called to groom you clogged artillery, and B - I guess you_ don't _want your ring back--"_

_"I fuckin' knew it! Give that shit back. How did you even take--"_

_"GUYS!"_ Sakura finally managed to clear her thoughts. There's so much _noise_ all the time.

Noa turned to the screen, the twitchiness in her eye disappearing _"Aww hi baby Sa-chan, how you doin'? Is it spring already there?"_

She breathed _"I'm good, yeah Noa, can I--"_

_"And how's my Uchiha?"_

_"Uh, he's okay, Noa--"_

_"And my other ones?"_

_"Fine?"_

How the fuck is she suppose to know she hasn’t actually _met_ them yet, and neither does she _want_ to.

Noa bounced on her toes and Sakumo scoffed, muttering 'crazy' under his breath. Not for the first time was he contemplating how to kill someone who was technically already dead.

_"Can you help me with something?"_

Noa took a short gasp and bounded to the screen that dwarfed her, _"Of course! Sa-chan, what can Noa-Senpai help you with?'_

Outside in the sun, Sakura rubbed her eyes, _"Can you help me with this genjutsu scroll?"_

_"Oh no baby Sa-chan, I'm no goody in genjutsu,"_ Her eyes soft with trying to reassure her kohai _"That was always suppose to be our Uchiha's department y'know?"_ She winked.

A frustrated shout echoed through the Common Room, Sakumo could even feel it vibrating through the couch and suddenly the Inner door slid shut with a bang.

If Saki asked - 'twasn't his fault.

Sakura clenched her fists over the stupid scroll, with the stupid instructions that didn't make any stupid sense.

She _knows_ she can do this, she knows she can become not only competent but _powerful_ , a protector, someone strong to achieve the happiness she's been tasked with, not only for herself but those who are still holding on to her.

Sakumo can burn an entire forest in one go if he wants to, 13 used to be a Kenjutsu master, she still has one of the 7 swords of the mist sealed inside her skin and no one from her timeline will be able to get it back.

One time she saw an older version herself with a ninken save an entire village in the 5th shinobi world war, she had wrinkles! Since when do shinobi have wrinkles?

There was even one who was considered the best Hokage Konoha had ever had. 

And she can't even do a lousy fucking D-rank.

"Maa, Sakura-chan, why the sour face?"

Sakura jumped, _Stupid_ , she really needs to get out of her own head. _Or get everyone else OUT._

He was slouching down at her spot and she knew he could see the tear tracks on her cheeks but thankfully, or not - didn't say anything about them.

"W-were you here the whole time?"

He hummed, "The boys might have made the most unsubtle signal a ninja could make for me to go check up on you."

Sakura shifted herself to see that Naruto was innocently whistling to the sky and Sasuke with his tense back to her, was shoving Naruto to face in his direction too.

She huffed, but her hold on the Inner Door loosened if it was any indication. Kakashi dropped down to sit next to her in front of the scroll, "Nice hiding by the way." She smiled.

"Now, which part of the scroll do I need to hurt?"

Sakura giggled and pointed at…

herself...

His eyebrow dropped and sakura explained, "I get the theory and seals, and I'm following it word for word," -Kakashi had no doubt she was, "But the result is just…" She slumped, "Not right."

"Let Sensei see."

Sakura got up with a huff, took a few steps back and preformed the seals. It took a minute but instead of sharp shadowy figures rising from the ground and haunting a target, she got a few black blobs floating a few meters away. They couldn't create any physical harm, but she needed it to be able to intimidate and cause panic when they multiplied.

And also not take an entire minute to conjure for that matter.

Kakashi hummed, and preformed a few katas on the figures, each point of contact made the figure split and create a clone of the previous one. He continued a few seconds on, until they had about forty something figures surrounding them. Sakura was actually more focused on the katas, it took a second to realize he wanted her to release the genjutsu.

Kakashi hummed _,_ "The technique and execution are good, they split when they should and it's a strong cast," he rubbed his jaw, the mask catching on the stubble that takes him about a year to grow, "And you do have near perfect chakra control…" Sakura pinked and beamed at the praise even though she heard a million times through others ears.

She wouldn’t even let Sakumo's mumble _"it's fucking perfect. Actually."_ ruin it for her.

Then Kakashi turned his lone eye on her and Sakura was 80% sure he set a genjutsu on himself to make his shadow look more intimidating.

He smiled when she dispelled it. "But you're rushing the process."

Sakura frowned, _rushing?_ It should be done a few seconds flat if she wants to ever be able to use it in combat.

"I know it seems pointless if it can't be done instantly, I was like that too when I was your age." _And waaay after too._ Though the sharingan sort of "fixed" that.

Saukra perked up at the information, Kakashi-sensei? Like her?

"But sometimes you have to do techniques repeatedly for hours, maybe even days or weeks to get the result in few milliseconds." He shrugged, "You should let yourself take the time to build the illusion and then focus on refining it's timing. It’s training, we have time." he crinkled an eye smile.

Sakura wanted to agree but thought that he didn't any more encouragement to be late.

A hand landed on her head, and she looked up, "Remember you don't have to be the best Sakura." _It's not worth it._

Sakura frowned, because if she _wasn't_ how is she going to make herself happy, make her family happy and still be proud to be called a Sakura after so many amazing ones that came before her, plus her powerhouse teammates and that she's a first gen--

Kakashi stopped "Then not the best right away okay?"

Sakura smiled and he stroked her hair.

After a few more rounds of checking with the boys (head-pat quota for the day successfully reached), he clapped and called them over.

"Alright kiddies, gather up."

They trotted along, Sasuke smirking at a laughing Naruto and behind them a slightly nervous Sakura. She had a feeling she knew what this was about.

"Tomorrow we have our first C rank" he announced, _and it's a total mistake by my standards,_ "You need to be prepared correctly. We'll meet at the western gates at 7 tomorrow."

Before they could ask any questions (which honestly, he wasn't sure he had the answers to) he called "Toodles!" and shushined away in a cloud of smoke. 

He made kage-bunshin to follow them home and went straight for his couch - the bed already belonged to his dogs.


	3. Right Kid, Best Not Get My Hopes Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No way I was gonna write all of Wave, I have a lot of nothings to do with my time you see.
> 
> Also, note the updated archive warning, gets a little bloody at the end there.

Their travel packs were decent considering this was the first time they were leaving the village. Kakashi rifled through all of them before they met with Tazuna, taking note of their priorities.

Sasuke pack was the most balanced and organized;

The most frequently needed items at the top and the rest in the bottom, a fair amount of rations to add to their hunting, sturdy clothes, surprisingly a large amount of hygiene products (which Kakashi couldn't decide is from him being a diva or traumatized), on the down side though he had too many weapons on him.

Naruto seemed to prioritize food, and with that amount of chakra on him, Kakashi couldn't fault him. He also found a pajama set which made him do a double take.

He hasn't seen pajama's in _years_ \- his own definition for them are whatever piece of clothing had the right balance between holed but not ruined.

Kakashi only got out of his minor plunder when a nervous Naruto asked him if it is okay. Kakashi thanked the mask covering most of his unmarred cheek and ruffled the boys' hair, saying that he also knew someone who liked frogs. 

Sakura's pack was a show of how nervous she must be, she brought too much of everything, rations, clothes, hygiene, and a surprising amount of medical supplies. He wasn't even sure she knew how to use half the stuff, it was above what the academy taught. But when he asked about it, she scrunched up her nose and said _of course I know_.

_Well okay then._

The only real threats were bandits but it seems that went right over her head. So her paranoia, while concerning, was actually secretly appreciated, he wasn't alone in feeling nervous for taking them out barely a month after graduating.

But while it was comforting to not be alone in the panic corner, it was also not her job . He himself over-packed since he didn't know what the kids might need. Most of his pack is actually stuff for them, knowing that he himself can already survive on little. He even bought hygienic pads for Sakura just in case, remembering the one mission where Rin got her first period and they all had to improvise to help.

Later he remembered Sakura had actual parents for those kind of things and smacked himself on the head. There's really more then one reason for those forehead protectors.

He still brought them though.

After checking their packs, he told them to divide and conquer, splitting it all equally between the three. Their splutters were all ignored in favor of learning Teamwork (and his book), but they eventually complied and were sent to meet their client.

A whiff of alcohol was all it took to foul his mood, and he knew this mission will be more trouble than it's worth.

-

Fine, she might have overpacked, but she had good reason, Kakashi-sensei just didn't know it and it’s not like she could _tell_ him, even hinting was prohibited. 

She knew the type of mission this'll become. Saki herself had come to warn her - it was crucial she stay alert and vigilant.

This was the mission that has been the real wake-up call for _her_ Inner, their sister, The _First_.

Frankly, Sakura didn't like talking about her, about those so far back. It's disheartening. There was a _first_ , someplace where it had to begin.

An indicator that this wasn't natural, that _she_ …

Well, everything has to begin at some point or there just _wouldn't be_ , but most natural things are thought to be timeless and inevitable; been there since who knows when, and will stay there till whenever.

So it's another reminder that she's just some number in a line, and unless she makes something of herself that’s the only thing she'll be - another Sakura that if luck shines upon her, becomes a cautionary tale for the next one.

So _Yes_ , Sakura was nervous, sue her for not wanting to _die_ or let her precious people go either - she wanted to make them happy, make her Inners proud of her, _and_ prove to herself that she's not going to be meaningless.

Even if the all the noise in her head is anything _but._

Her Inners are so _loud_.

She had half a mind to shut them up and close the Inner Door but she didn't want to be alone, their help and company meant too much for her to do that. So she made sure to be extra aware (even if it consequently made Kakashi eye her more), and so the puddle was a bright beacon for trouble.

Well, admittingly, Sakumo did tell her about it much to Saki's displeasure - _"They don't learn like that!",_ she said.

But the actual shock and horror of seeing Kakashi-sensei cut to pieces by the demon brothers was completely real.

Sakumo snickered in the background and because she couldn't punch him in the face she asked for any other to do it, which Noa happily complied. She even heard 13, the silent guard tasked with keeping her and the Headspace safe, to give a breathy laugh. 

When Kakashi reappeared she had the itch to try ang get back at him too, but it seems he got the message from her scowl, to which he only eye-smiled. She was starting to get Sakumo's prejudice a bit better now, even though she knew it must go deeper than that. 

Then she had to heal Naruto's stupid stab-myself-to-prove-my-worth injury, she knew he had the kyuubi chakra to heal him, but still, you can't just _stab_ yourself! That's insane! Who _does_ that?

This mission was ridiculous and stressful and it didn't help one bit when Zabuza actually did decide to show up.

The entire reason this was an A rank was because of him, one of the Seven Swordsman, Demon of the Mist, the previous owner of 13's legendary sword.

Sakura only had the barest sense of what chakra with killing intent could feel like thanks to her dreams (nightmares, that Nightguard tried to stir away from her when she patrolled the halls) it was nothing compared to this.

You don't have to be a sensor to feel killing intent - It was too suffocating, the panic making you choke more, and Sakura couldn't even think of calming herself down so how she was suppose to protect the client, a man who was technically older then her, and by all civilians standards, should be protecting _her_. 

Her head was filled with voices trying to calm her down, even Sakumo's low tenor was trying to help now. Noa was reciting ways on how to kill Zabuza and not to worry about Tazuna - _"he'll die in a few years time anyway Baby-chan"._

Saki was trying to keep the place clear and safe because it kept shaking and breaking from the amount of panic. Others started to flag in and everything was too much that when it finally ended with Haku shooting senbon in Zabuza's neck, Sakura was still in panic mode.

She couldn't feel her face, her fingers, her presence. Her eyes were seeing more of the Inside then Out even though she was experiencing both and Kakashi had to take her kunai and weapons holster away from her when Naruto and Sasuke tried to calm her down.

It took long, too long for a ninja, too long for someone who was suppose to protect her team and client, too long for someone who should know better and make sure every one of her precious people - from past _and_ present, were safe.

She was exhausted both physically and mentally, but the worst part was that when they reached Tazuna's house to rest, she couldn't - because she knew it wasn’t over yet.

\-------------------------

Sakura crashed on her sleeping mat after her guard shift with Kakashi's clone. Ever since he told them that they'll encounter Zabuza again Sakura couldn't sleep. She knew it of course, she saw it in her dreams, but she also had the slightest hope that she wouldn't ever see him again.

But the probability of them not needing to face him was close to zero, or at least that's what Saki said. It didn't matter that Sakura just really _really_ didn't like how he smelled of fish.

_"Sakumo?"_ She called into her mind, usually he was there

_"Shit.",_ His book clattered, he was on the climax for crying out loud.

_Sakura suppressed a laugh. "Are you alright?"_

_"Yeah yeah quit the shits and giggles"_ he huffed, a habit he couldn’t pinpoint if it came from him and transferred to her or the other way around. _"Whad'ya need? Can't sleep?"_

Sakura hummed, _"You're voice is really clear, what's going on?"_

He snorted, _"Your shit at deflecting kid."_ he propped himself once again on the couch he dragged to the small room, _"I'm in the Inner Room that's why, the door's shut so the sound isn't escaping anywhere else."_

Sakura brows twitched, _"Isn't that against your rules or something? To not be there alone so you don't talk me into things without me hearing more options?"_

_"You remembered that huh?"_

  
_"It was in a dream."_

_"huh." He concludes, "Yeah well it's a dumb rule anyway you don't need someone telling you what to do for fuck's sake, you can make your own choice."_ And he would punch anyone who said differently.

_"So… why are you in there?"_

Sakumo huffed _"I needed some space."_

_"Isn't it already big in there? --And no forehead jokes."_

_"Pfft. Fine. Yeah it's… too big."_

_"Oh."_

_"And now that I've answered an uncomfortable question it's your turn--"_

_"Wha--"_

_"Why aren't ya sleeping kid? You must be bone tired by now."_ Saki made her get some herbs that only grew next to the border because they were good for poison.

Sakura deflated, no pushing it further now, _"I'm just--"_ She snuggled in herself, _"Is it always this hard?"_

_"What is?"_ He rattled off. _"Training? The meaning of life? The never ending knowledge that we're a minuscule parasite compared to the entire universe?"_

Sakura rolled her eyes, _"Well that too, sure."_ Though the training was actually hard, her sore muscles and agitated chakra coils spoke for themselves, _"But… I don't know… there's just so much to be a human and then a ninja on top of that."_

_"Yeah well that's cuz ya got a bunch of people in your head, that's why, fucking shit situation, but honestly kid? You got it easy."_

_"Easy? How is this easy?"_ Sakura knows he blocked all his inners when he was alive, he didn't have to deal with all these people in her head.

_"Cuz you might have voices in your head but your fucking free to do whatever ya want, you can go anywhere, do anything, fuck the world or save it, who gives a shit? I'm stuck here with the other fucks, not knowing why even and I have to repeat the same shit over and over again, watching little me's either make stupid mistakes or get themselves killed and it fucking sucks okay? It's either that or getting lost in the fucking Maze and I am_ not _going through that shit again."_

Sakura lay there silent, a mixture of sympathetic, apologetic and still upset.

He groaned, it's not her fault he's stuck in this situation, _"Just wanna be able to come out and do what I want y'know? - And no coming out jokes. Those got old waaay before your time."_

Sakura let herself smile, _"Maybe you can take over for a little while if you want? I know I could use a break from all of this…"_

Sakumo huffed, _"Saki will flip her shit from just hearing that, plus, 13 doesn't allow anyone out."_

_"Not if I talk to her, I'm the Current right? That's gotta come with some privileges."_

Sakumo snorted, _"Right kid. Best not to get your hopes up. Just go to bed."_

Sakura hummed and let herself sleep.

-

\--------

She's tossed away like a rag-doll, collapsing on a pile of now cracked building bricks.

_"Ooooooh that's gotta hurt."_

Sakura coughs blood and mentally screams at Sakumo to shut the fuck up. _Shit,_ something's stabbing her from the inside.

_"OhOh he comin' atchyou boo!"_

Sakura rolls to miss the same 5 shuriken she had tried to throw at him, now embedded deep in the bricks behind her, Zabuza laughs "Oh c'mon brat, where'd ya go?"

Her shaking arms and hands have struggle with the seal, but eventually she has just half a second to successfully cast a false surroundings jutsu on herself, making her blend in with the already hazy mist.

_"Nice."_ Saki encourages.

"Ugh you're one of _those_ ninja huh? Fuckin' hate genjutsu."

_"He's on your left!"_

_"I know Noa!"_

Next to her to where she hides, there's a dead man with his face wide open, kami she's gonna puke, _"Don't look Sakura-chan,"_ Saki's voice is firm, _"focus on the target. Remember, if you're in an emergency, we have backup plans."_

_"I know, I know."_

_"So what's our backup?"_

Her good hand grabs an kunai dipping it in the poison Saki told her to make in the forest, her heart counting the beats until he turns his back to her, "He had a training accident in his teens. Femur bone broken in three places. His knee never fully recovered, I remember."

_"Ya could jus' cut the knee off's all--"_

_"There--!"_

Sakura throws, eliciting a pained grunt from her target, and immediately abandons her place in case of a retaliation.

Saki's nod of approval keeps her going.

Zabuza, balancing himself on all fours, yanks the kunai out from the back of his knee, black coloring his hand as his leg starts to flare up. His senses recalibrate as the water clones he sent after Kakashi disperse. Fuck. He's not gonna have a lot of time before the copy-cat get's to this side of the bridge.

He turns around to find any semblance of movement, no way is he going to let the pink one that somehow knew _exactly_ where to aim her kunai see another day. No. Fucking. Way.

He grunts, and their eyes lock.

Sakura's back crashes against the wall, making her cough blood, whatever was stabbing her before is now fully embedded in a place she's too scared to admit.

She's knows she's about to die.

The semi circle of his blade is just millimetres from her jugular while the rest is planted in the wall behind her.

Zabuza does not take prisoners.

"WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU HUH? WHO!" He slams her harder

Sakura can't answer, the only thing separating between them is the blade now dripping with precious drops of blood.

"Sakura!" That's Kakashi's voice from across the bridge, but she's not the only one who hears it.

Before anything else can be done, Zabuza curses, grabbing her by the face with his sticky hand - leaving no holes to breath, and thrusts her up high enough for Sakura to feel the air rushing from her punctured lungs.

All the Inners are stone silent.

When she's just about to hit face first, that's when Zabuza slashes.

They burst into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not above leaving my readers with a lil' cliff-hanger though :D


	4. Some Unconditional Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooo, it's been a while.  
> The amount of times I edited this chp, whew.  
> Hopefully the upcoming updates won't take so long. I'm striving for completion with this fic, if only because I hate seeing that red uncompleted mark - especially on my own works haha.
> 
> Also, this chp has a lot of new info (both hidden and not), curious to see what you guys pick up ;P  
> But anyways, enjoy ♡

It's been an entire week of healing.

Mei, the only and best medic they have, has been working on coaxing the Current's chakra to heal herself even though it doesn’t yet know how. Her silky pale-brown ninken that usually keeps watch during healings, is nuzzling her stomach, trying to sooth it's own worry.

This Current is still so _young_ , 12 is a _child_ , they're practically all children, even Saki who runs this place.

But it doesn't matter, Mei hates seeing death, especially death of children. it's why she's not the most frequent visitor in the common room, it's why she retired as chuunin and settled to be the best medic konoha has ever had (after Tsunade's death).

It's also why she's not going to let another tragedy happen, and especially not after Bo-tan.

Saki-chan is beside her in case she needs anything, including more chakra since their pools, especially at this age, are laughable. The only one with bouts of chakra is Sakumo ever since he devoted himself to ninjutsu during his lifetime ( _No thanks to Kakashi_ \- he would always grumble), but currently he's looking after Noa who's looking after Bo-tan.

Or something like that.

They left to the common room with Bo after Saki burst into her room.

Saki - _bursting_ into a room.

Mei was more than a little shocked. Currents go and Inners come, they have to - that's the way of their world, so what would make this one different?

But Saki was desperate, and Mei could see in her eyes that she cannot handle another one of them dying. This will break her. And no one has the strength and determination that Saki has to hold their entire world together, not even her.

So she heals until Kurīmu whines and paws her, and a migraine is starting to migrate inside her head. Number 84 is now safe to live another day, until that inevitable moment where she isn't and they will all live together to help the next one.

"I'm done." She slumps from her meditative pose. Never let it be said that she couldn't heal something that wasn't right in front of her. She loves proving the impossible wrong, even if she is drained from it.

Saki, as usual, sighs behind the cover of a hand, "Thank you Mei-san, you're really the best."

Mei slowly squeezes her shoulder, and with the other hand palms Kurīmu's snout.

When they died, they had to leave their family behind. Some of their families were already gone when they got here and Mei knows that most - if not everyone, miss their parents. She does too, especially after having her own kids in her lifetime.

Kurīmu is shamelessly indulging in all her fluffing while Saki gathers herself mentally. She waits. 

She always thought It was good to have equals standing next to you, but sometimes… it's nice to have someone that's above you, someone who will take care of you unflinchingly with a tender hand when necessary.

Some unconditional love.

A role a parent would usually fill.

There won't ever be someone to fill the mother role for them, a shoulder to cry one or someone to stroke their hair and wipe their tears. So she took it upon herself, she was already a granny when she died, her hair dusted purple like her father's did. She named herself Mei - after her own mother, and while she didn't expect to be one in the after-life (motherhood is a _lifetime_ job - they said) she's glad she is. For them.

"Come on," She starts to get up, "We should see how the two are handling Bo-tan." And lets Saki help her up. She has a bad ankle from the 5th war and it's been so long since then she can't imagine herself without it, Kurīmu barks encouragement, standing close in case she needs a crutch. He's big enough.

They pass halls and Memory Lanes on the way, Mei repeating to herself like a mantra the unspoken rule they all have: Not to react to any of the sounds they may hear.

(Because it won't save them anyway.)

When they arrive in the Common Room, the screen is bigger than the last time she remembers, and there are more seating areas than she ever thought possible.

She tries to not think about how empty it all looks.

In the center, Noa is on a carpet with Bo. The latter hooked up on wires sticking out from every surface of her delicate skin to a telegraphic machine. Noa is right next to it - diligently taking notes.

It doesn't help that Sakumo is some meters away, chugging down a bottle like his life depends on it.

It's not the most reassuring sight.

Especially not for an already stressed Saki.

"What the fuck?"

"language." Mei half consciously scolds.

Noa seems almost excited, "Saki! And Mei! You wouldn't believe the results I got--" she's cut off by Kurīmus low growl. He never did like her that one.

"Oi! Bad Puppy!"

"Noa-chan please remove those wires…" Mei steps towards the six year old and Saki is not pleased to note she is _still_ wearing her older sister's bloodied ANBU mask. _How in the world did she even find it?_ The openings for the eyes sharp and red rimmed, the same color of the still visible splatters on it.

Kami, she can't look at it.

Instead, Saki directs her attention elsewhere. "Noa, I thought I told you enough with the experiments." This might be the mellowed down version of what she saw on screen while Noa was Out but she still thinks it's wrong. Even Bo's frog ragdoll, the one she never leaves behind has - almost comically, wires over his head and heart.

She just can't understand Noa sometimes.

"I thought that was only for the pokey-wokey stuff," The blonde pouts but unplugs the wires out of Bo with little _pops,_ "But anyways, I compared her results to yours" She nods to Saki (who is still trying to figure out where the alcohol came from) "And there's really progress! I reckon by the 100th Sakura they'll be able to see us in here right when they're born! Not that they'll recognize us of course, the little bimbos."

Saki ignores the fact there'll be a 100th in favor of scolding Noa for calling new-born children bimbos. 13 then starts to come from her corner in the alcove, checking to see what's all the commotion about.

Somehow, Saki muses, the only time they all gather up is when something horrible happens.

She knows they need to have more celebrations and gatherings, if not for communal purposes, then to at least cement the idea that time is moving, that there's something to come out of their room for.

But why is it only attractive after some near death experience?

Noa is of course oblivious to anyone but her own musings, "But isn't that great?" she continues, "You said before that the earlier ones had to be offed by Pein-sama to see us."

Saki nods but really only to make her stop as she addresses Sakumo "Where did you get that?"

Sakumo's eyes are round and pleading innocence, but they both know it's bullshit.

He huffs and then eyes her inquisitively, a moment later - without further ado, he points to a covered crate behind 13's usual armchair, she turns to inspect while he explains, "You look like you could use one to be honest."

Saki Is about to start when Mei comes up behind her.

"Alright Bo-tan how about we go to bed?" She bumps up the child in her arms, well worth the strain on her ankle.

A murmur, "I'm not tired…" can be heard through her porcelain mask. It must make it quite uncomfortable to lean on her caretaker's shoulder, but they all know she won't take it off - No matter what they say.

Noa bounds up to the child and coos "Oh pumpkin-pie, you don't wanna be here when Saku-kun's drunk baby", She rearranges her pink hair prettily around the ANBU mask, "He keeps talking about his joystick and you're not old enough yet to appreciate the wording." she shakes her head solemnly.

He scoffs as he crashes on his couch but doesn't deny, Mei can only sigh "Thank you for the imagery Noa-chan."

"Anytime." She perks up, genuinely happy.

Bo twists her mask towards Saki, and she would've winced were she not trained out of reactions "Can I talk to her?" The younger asks.

And she means the Current. Bo will always mean the current.

"No Bo." Then Saki realizes that might be too harsh for a six year old. "She isn't even awake yet…"

Behind her mask her eyes widen, "So when she wakes up?" They never let her talk to her, maybe this time they will.

Saki looks at Mei trying to find a gentler way to decline, but it's just the same answer in the end. "I'm sorry Bo, no."

"Then when?"

Saki starts to feel cornered when Mei thankfully saves her from that one, talking about going to bed.

They barely manage two steps before Bo calls out to Saki, "But is she okay?"

Saki gently smiles, "Yeah, Bo, she'll make it." Now it's just a waiting game.

Mei eventually takes her off to the Maze, Bo bobbing in her arms. She might've even patted the girls head, something all their Kakashi-sensei's used to do, but she can barely look at that mask let alone touch it. She watches as they walk, the fluffy tail of a ninken swinging in tow.

Noa plops on one of the end tables with a blanket, holding a bottle of something alcoholic with just enough fruity sweetness to cover it up - her absolute favorite. "So is Baby-chan gonna get some cool new scarring at least?" They all have their fair share of stories they could tell.

Saki internally sighs and lands on the dark arm chair in front of the problem children who somehow managed to spawn and hide an entire crate of alcohol without her noticing.

"Most likely," she rubs her eyes, "And we all know how much we just love our body anyway." _this'll be fun._

Sakumo scoffs, holding his bottle like some precious flowers, "Maybe you, I paid good money for this shit." he gestures to his crotch, and 13 is in her armchair, already looking heavenward.

"I bet it's gonna be jagged and raised and all pink and fleshy." A deep snicker escapes Noa.

"Hold up," Sakumo pauses, "Didn't you use to be against scarring cuz what would your _precious Sasuke-kun_ think." He had to travel through one of her memories while in the Maze, he would have cut his ears off just from the amount of whining.

"Well yeah, then I got smarter and realized it doesn't matter how I look in front of Sasuke-kun."

All of them, including Saki, are looking at her like she _didn't_ ask to be called Ms. Uchiha when she first got there.

13 taps her foot for attention "I'm not following." she signs.

Noa theatrically sighs, "Well it doesn’t matter what I look like," She says as she flicks a braid, and by luck they're all out of range, "He's going to love me no matter what."

_Ah there it is_ , Sakumo drinks.

"It's written in the stars guys," she looks at them. "You'll see." She says with such utter conviction, that Saki has to at least admire her for that.

"Who says she's gonna end up with a Uchiha anyway?" Sakumo personally has his eyes set for Hidan. Man he would love to dick Hidan.

"Of course she'll be with Sasuke are you _blind_?"

Saki huffs a laugh, "It doesn't have to be a boy necessarily." She can't believe she's getting in on their latest shipping pool.

Sakumo hums "Fair." and sips, "I did hear Yamanaka are great in bed."

And 13 drinks to that.

"Well," Mei walks in, "I do think it's nice to have a variety." the Inuzuka clan markings bunching up as she smiles, Kurīmu giving a happy bark and tail wag.

Saki quirks her lip, e _ven the dog has an opinion on this._

"Yeah" Sakumo laughs, "You never did have the patience for one at a time huh?" he snorts his drink.

He was almost glad the first day he got lost in the maze, if only to escape the sounds of _Mei_.

Noa perks quizzically, "What's he talkin' about?"

"Nothing." And Kurīmu hums a low growl along with his partner, "Respect your elders Sakumo." _I dare you to contradict me._

He doesn't even blink, "I'm older then you."

Mei gives a scowl worthy of her mentor "Not really. You don't count age by the amount of time you've been dead!"

"I wanna KnoOooOoooOw!"

Saki just smiles "Mei used to have sexcapades."

"Saki!"

"What!" She laughs, and damn it's been awhile, "I couldn't sleep because of you!" She defends, 13 nodding along with her.

Mei covers her face "For Kami's sake." she's shaking it, "Children. All of you."

Saki ugly laughs. She's missed this.

______________________

Sakura knows she's not dreaming anymore when there are sharp, prickly stabs in her shoulder. Automatically she tries to open her eyes but her head is pounding and each time it pulses it just _has_ to get worse.

She tries to focus on her breathing, concentrating on where she's at rather then how she feels. The air is cold but there's no breeze, her head is cushioned, she's covered in a heavy blanket, and she can hear snores from the room next door.

Probably Naruto, she smiles, but it pulls her skin wrong, she stops.

Instead she calls to her Inners, she needs a distraction.

Last thing she expected to hear though was a dog barking. It startles her enough her eyes pop open like a bang in her head, crust and salt making her eyes scratchy. But she can't hear any barking anymore.

She doesn't think she imagined it, right?

After a few more exhales she starts hearing stuttered footsteps in her head, each step another pulse in her head. But it doesn't make any sense _,_ all her inners are shinobi - footsteps were trained out of them.

_"Sakura-chan?"_

That's _not_ a voice she recognizes, too willowy and soft. Did she hit her head so hard she can't hear right? Or did her inners change? And one of them to a _dog_?

_"Sakura? My name is Mei. I'm one of your Inners, I hope your alright?"_

_Uh. What._

She thought she already knew all her inners. At least the ones that stayed and didn't… lose themselves.

_"This can be a lot to take in,"_ Mei murmurs, her fault for refusing to enter the Common Room for so long, _"I'll wait."_

Sakura waits with her.

Non of this is making sense. She tries to visualize the Headspace in her mind, but her head is still sore and she's still too hazy. Instead she asks, _"Is there a dog in there?"_

Mei looks down to her waggy-tailed ninken.

_"That's Kurīmu,"_ She pets his head, _"It was his watch just now, but apparently he forgot the no barking line."_ But his lolled tongue suggest he forgot no such thing. _"Sorry, we didn't mean to confuse you."_

_Well._ She thinks, _I'm a little confused._

_"How did he get in there?_

Her face morphs, _"it's a bit depressing…"_ She stalls, _"But we're chakra bonded, so if one dies so does the other."_ She's not getting into all the theory that contracts transcend time and space part. She signed up to be a medic not a lunatic. 

But Sakura still brightens at her words, because _she's_ the inuzuka Inner, _"You were the one to heal an entire village in the 5th war, right?"_ A war Sakura hopes never happens again.

Surprised, she answers, _"Yes."_ but doesn't tell her about the sixth.

_"So you're an Inuzuka,"_ well, there's some stuff to unpack there, _"And you healed me, and I have dog chakra in me?"_

Mei blinks, _"Well if that's how you want to put it. Sure."_

Wow. Okay then.

Next in line for things that don't make sense,

_"How am I alive?"_

Death should be more… Welcoming? Maybe? All her inners would be waiting for her.

_"Well, you're lucky your previous lives have so much chakra."_

Sakura stays silent after that, not really sure how to answer except for a lousy thank you.

Mei silently laughs, _"You're very wel--"_

"Sakura?"

Her head turns and _fuck_ that hurts.

"Kakashi-sensei?" She croaks.

"You're awake," He hovers over her, sharingan uncovered and heavy bags under both his mismatched eyes. He was _worried._

The team took shifts watching over her, Kakashi taking the majority when Tsunami had been treating her wounds that by some miracle closed. But now that she's awake, he's not sure what to do with himself.

Is she in pain? What is she feeling? Will head-pats do the trick? "I'll get you something to drink." Kami knows he's been parched after waking up in the hospital, though he'll have to monitor her sips or

otherwise she might puke--

"No- no," She tries to move but it hurts like a knife to her neck and a punch to her ribs, "How long has it been?"

He winces, "Almost two weeks." He had to send one of his dogs back to inform the Hokage. "We were gonna pack up today and take you to an allied hospital if you didn't wake up," Maybe even try and contact Tsunade-sama (since there's no way she'll come back to Konoha, not when her relationship with the Hokage is strained at best). Crouching down on his knees so they're on the same level, he asks, "You think you can travel yet? I'm not letting you walk though."

She stares down at her hands, "I-- I don't know." her skin pulls when she talks and she doesn't want to move anymore then necessary, neither does she want her parents to see her like this, not when she doesn't even know the extent of the damage… "Uhm. Do you know if Tsunami-san's awake?"

He quirks his head, mop of hair slightly flopping, "What do you need?"

She fidgets while not fidgeting, "I just… want some help seeing it."

He doesn't answer right away, and she's scared he's disappointed in her vanity when he replies.

"I'm sorry Sakura, that's going to be a no for now."

He doesn't say that he doesn't want his female student, the one not only with insecurity issues but who was raised on the academy's stupid idea of the perfect-flawless kunoichi, to deal with this while she's still physically weak.

"But please?" She's not asking as his soldier anymore, but his charge.

Kakashi's a soft man. He hates it.

But doesn't quite give in.

"Ask me again when you can stomach some water and a meal, okay?"

She pouts but he has eight dogs.

He's almost completely immune.

\--------------------------------

Night has passed and it's a murky sunrise in Wave. After some water and a light meal, Tsunami takes her to the bathroom to check on her bandages. The boys are thankfully occupied, courtesy of her sensei. She wouldn't have been able to do this if they were watching.

And she was right to be cautious because it's so hideous she cries.

The entire length is from below her left ear - where the slash began - descending its way across her chest, splitting it in a crawling jagged line that continues to the inside of her right arm.

It's not a plain surface. There are ridges and slopes, hills and canyons framing and running through it. The inside is pale and shines differently depending on how the light hits it, some parts feel like some sort of thin plastic. The outline is red, and blotches of blue and green explode around it in different staccatos, dead purple blood vessels running along the center.

Mei said her motor skills should be fine - that's where most of the chakra from her Inners went to fixing.

But it's just… _Disgusting._

She cries and the heaving hurts the bruises decorating her ribcage, the skin pulling on her neck, and on the inside of her arm when she wipes the tears away.

Apparently, the cut was clean, it's the healing that made it look like _this_ , and she doesn't want to unlock communications with her Inners so they can try convince her to see the glass half full.

Sure, it could've been worse.

But this fucking _sucks_ too.

She sniffs, looks at the ceiling and blinks away as much of the tears as she can.

_It's alright,_ she thinks _, this is just something that we'll have to get used to._

_This is the new reality for now._

_It's okay. You'll see._

Then she cries some more.

____________________________________

"Sakura-chan!"

Sakura turns from where she was folding clean towels (Tsunami threw all the bloodied ones out) when she's charged with a teary Naruto.

"Sakura!" His voice watery and desperate, "I'm so happy you're okay!" He hugs her too tight, "It was so deep! We thought you were gonna--" 

"That's enough Naruto," Kakashi lifts him by the scruff of his shirt. "She's still recovering."

"But--Sorry! So sorry!" He's reaching out and she knows that he gets most reassured by touch, so when he's put down she gives him her hand and he clings to it with both of his, grateful.

Once her vision clears from the sudden mist in her eyes she sees Sasuke critically scanning her.

"So you're better now?" he asks, and it earns him a smack from a dirty book. He grumbles up at him, but does look a tad apologetic, "Do you feel better?"

Sakura smiles a nod and Noa is humming a ceremonial tune.

After their rationed reunion meal (Wave is still going to struggle for a while), they head out for the

road much like they did the first week, minus a cranky old drunk, and Sakura gets filled in on what happened on the bridge.

Apparently the two missing nin scurried off after something Kakashi did (but refuses to say), and Gato and his goons are mercifully dead.

Naruto tells her all this while he tries to cheer her up from her solemn mood, purposefully staying on her right side where he can't really see the _thing_.

Sasuke on the other hand, is trying not to be _too_ obvious but it’s like he's a moth attracted to a flame. Eying the scar from her ear until it disappears into her neckline.

When she gets home, the house is empty, and she hopes when her parents come back, it won't be such an emotional mess. She wasn't exactly the most _normal_ child growing up, certainly not what their books and friends taught them to expect…

She just doesn’t want to worry them anymore.

But in the end, it's still a very teary evening in the Haruno house.

____________________

Kakashi only had time to lay down his pack and greet his dogs when he was summoned to the Tower.

He gave one ear fluff to Ūhei with his good hand and walked to the office, straight through the front door.

Even the desk clerk was surprised, but Obito's eye hurt from all the chakra use and he didn't want to risk anything with his current injuries (fractured ribs, sprained wrist and a slashed calf). At least not when he had 3 new pups to look after.

_If_ he still has them, considering he was the Commanding Officer when he let them continue the now A-rank mission.

He grumbled. Bureaucracy loved to fuck him over.

The Hokage greeted him at his desk, looking for once at peace with only mildly large stacks of papers surrounding him. "Kakashi-kun, how was your mission? Your ninken wasn't clear on the details."

Kakashi pushed down the instinct to defend his hardworking and adorable ninken - it was unseemly in front of the Hokage. Then he gave his oral report.

The Hokage nodded and took note that he finally had something to inform the council.

With the growing tensions between the nations, they should be pleased to know about the developments of the Uchiha. They'll need to find him a bride soon. Hopefully the hints planted for the Haruno girl will actually yield something. She'll be a perfect match for the kekkei-genkai.

And that reminds him to send her parents compensation money for the damage done to their daughter. There's a reason why orphan kids are more likely to advance.

But for now he only has one more thing to settle.

"Kakashi, I'm sure you know of the upcoming chuunin exams by now."

Kakashi nodded while internally trying to search his memory, just a tad of resentment lingering. 

They _just_ got back. But he clenches his jaw to stop whatever might come out of his mask.

What did he expect, this was the way the world worked. The best get bumped up faster through the ranks, and by extension get the more riskier positions. They took the attention off the ones who were cautious enough to be sneaky with their skills while they silently worked their way to the top.

It was the difference between ninja like Kakashi and Genma. Only difference is that Kakashi was obsessive and lucky enough to actually survive this long.

But his team was _born_ to be the focus of the village, minus Sakura who probably just got stuck there as a buffer. How is he suppose to teach them to survive if he keeps getting tangled in this political crap.

The Hokage continues when he doesn't say anything, "I would like to see them enter it." And lifts a wrinkled brow.

Mentally the Hokage is making an urgent to do list. Specifically, to encourage Kurunei entering her own team (promoting her early to jounin-sensei gave her the insecurity that she's not actually ready. She'll look forward to proving that she's capable). And Asuma always had a habit of doing the opposite of what he says, so that's settled too.

"Sir, if I may…"

The Hokage waved his hand in permission.

" _Why?_ "

And the Hokage calculates.

He doesn't tell him it's because otherwise they'll only have Gai's team and they need to appear strong and non-the-wiser before the invasion hits.

Instead he tries something that might reason with one of his most valuable asset's. "Simply, I'd like to motivate the other genin teams to do better. It will also do good for them to know what they'll be up against once their completely ready." He waits for a reply, and when he doesn't get one, sighs, "I know you just got back Kakashi, it's still in a few months, just keep training them as you were, no need for Gai level efforts."

The Hokage almost looks sympathetic and Kakashi doesn't want to see that, sympathetic isn't getting him anywhere, he doesn't need a reassurance that it'll be okay, he needs him to understand that it _won't_.

"If there's nothing else Kakashi, I'll be waiting for the written report. You're dismissed. Go take care of those wounds I'm sure your hiding."

Kakashi almost says something, but he can't come up with it right, he gives a half hearted nod then leaves the Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thots/feelings? I'd love to hear what you guys think ♡
> 
> On another note, I consider my fanfiction to be the blend of other fics that I like, and this chp has some blatant references to some I've enjoyed.
> 
> Naming two:  
> [Bad Puppy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22314253) by the exceptionally talented Kalira.  
> [Seven or Two series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1344811) by grit, who writes the most awkward Kaka ever, it's hilarious.
> 
> You might notice they are both Kakashi & Sakura centric, because... well I live for that shit :P


	5. Definite Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooo, don'tcha just love it when the Author says they'll hope to update soon and yet it doesn't happen? I mean, I especially love it. 
> 
> Soooo, not making any time promises, but I hope you enjoy!  
> (And I hope you have the Pussycat Dolls song stuck in you head now :>)

Sakura can't help but laugh "I really thought I could change something this time."

Noa pouts, "Don't patronize yourself."

Sakura ignores her high pitch and looks down at her two teammates both in their own personal world of pain. Even with the shadow of the tree husk she's hiding in, there's enough light from the moon to see sweat budding up on Sasuke's forehead, and just enough light that she can't deny to herself that what's covering Naruto is mud and not blood.

She deflates.

Everything's _ruined._

Naruto got his seal tampered with, Sasuke got bit and now he's gonna _leave_. She really thought she covered all her bases this time, knew what she was doing. Did she even make a difference? Was there even a possibility that she could make a difference?

_"You did everything you could do Sakura, that's what counts."_ Saki tries to comfort through logic, the only way she knows how, she's getting right about the amount of progress the others are getting.

Zilch.

Sakura snorts humorlessly, "Yeah right."

She's so past trying to keep it all together, all in her head, what's gonna happen if someone hears her anyway? Think she's crazy? Find her? Kill her? So what. She'll be reborn again. They all will. Then there'll just be another number to fail the same way she did, but only this time, slightly to the left.

Now everyone is gonna have to wait until she's done and a new one arrives. What more can she now give?

_"No one's expecting you to do anything Sakura."_

Sakura's brow twitches, if that were true then why are they all still there? Why do they even leave their rooms? Why don't they just disappear? What are they waiting for?

" _I_ have expectations of me." And by I she the royal I - even if they can't admit it.

_"Okay kid,"_ It's Sakumo's turn now apparently, _"I'm gonna tell you something really annoying."_

Mei is subtly shaking her head already. No matter the praises she sang for what Sakura did to heal her teammates, how they could have had it much worse, _would_ have had it much worse if it wasn't for her initiative and skill - something that Mei certainly didn't teach her - it didn't matter.

They got hurt, and that's all she sees.

Sakumo starts _"Sometimes you can't help but go through the inevitable,"_

_"Thank you, that does annoy me."_ She bites back, sitting on one of the thicker roots bulging from the earth, her rage making it easier to ignore sore muscles.

_"I'm not done." He grumbles, "But what matters is how you choose to get_ past _it."_

_"Your right that's way more annoying."_

He throws his hands _"I give up."_

Noa tuts and chucks a pillow at him and he's about to return the favor when Saki get's up.

_"Alright. This is what's gonna happen."_

Sakumo cautiously settles down on his couch, that voice never bore well for him.

_"Everyone leave."_

He grips the couch _"But--"_

_"Yes Sakumo you can stay."_

He huffs a smirk at a theatrically gaping Noa.

_"You'll be on watch duty."_

_"Wha-!"_

_"HA! HA!"_

Sakumo grumbles, as 13 approaches from the alcove, distress in her eyes. This is _her_ role, there's a reason she does this. She _needs_ it.

Saki stops her mid-sign, _"You need your rest, the post will still be yours once your done."_

She turns to the screen, _"And you."_ she points and gains some satisfaction when the Current's eyes pop, _"You need to sleep too. Tomorrow is the last day of the exam and your barely halfway to the tower. Your team is now dependent on you, so your not going to throw it away for the off chance that there will be someone to pick up your slack for you!"_ , she won't let another one happen.

Everyone is already staring when she looks over them. _"Now move!"_

Sakumo starts before he remembers he has a pass. 13 gives him a look meaning _You better not fuck this up_ as she walks away, making him grumble cuz what did he ever do to her?

They all trickle out to the halls, some to their rooms some still close by with Saki behind them.

Mei's limp allowing her to fall in line with their leader.

_"That sure is one way to put your foot down…"_ She remarks not unkindly as her own foot stutters.

"I'd rather have an angry Mind than a panicked one." her voice is firm but Mei recognizes that look on her face, the one where she's determined to find her sister's room not matter what the Maze throws at her, because if she'll be alone she'll face worse.

Before Mei can try and comfort her, she takes a sharp turn and they split.

The elder sighs and continues down the hall that will start the pattern for Bo-tan's room.

Of course, Bo is wide awake sitting surrounded by her plushies. Mei isn't even slightly surprised. _"I told you, it's bed-time hun."_ she gently pushes for her to lay down on the bed. It's the same one they all had as little girls, and Bo is most familiar with this one.

Mei's own room in the Maze is the bedroom she and her husband used to share after the 5th war. It was only just big enough for two people and 7 paws.

_"You said you'll tell me how Sakura is."_ The mask is still on her face. Mei has long since forgone trying to convince her to take it off for bed. Bo doesn't tell her it's because the nightmares get worse when she feels like _they_ can see her.

_"I meant in the morning."_ Mei pushes some of the plushies away.

_"I meant now."_

Mei huffs and strokes the hair fanning out on the pillow, _"She's fine, the exams will be over soon. This is just the hard part… but she'll get through it, don't worry."_

Bo blinks through her mask as her big-sister-turned-mother kisses her hair goodnight and leaves the room, gently closing the door behind her - the hall darker than the room could ever be.

She waits exactly 12 seconds (her patience was already dwindling at 10) and gets up, tumbling her dolls and plushies on the pink carpet her Before-Mom got her.

Kaeru-kun is waiting patiently on her nightstand and she takes his droopy plushie arm in her small hand for reassurance. They’ve always been partners in crime… even if they're still missing a member.

She uses both her hands and one of Kaeru-kun's to slowly push the handle and _sneakily_ steps out of her room. Closing the door behind her (she's no amateur) she pads across the halls her sisters and brother call a Maze.

Bo has never gotten lost here, and she sneaks out _a lot_. Somehow she just knows right from wrong here even if she doesn't exactly know left from right. She passes halls and slightly ajar doors containing movies, some sound nice but most not, and she holds Kaeru-kun close to her chest - he gets scared sometimes.

She used to hear about the other kids that Mei took care of, her other little brothers and sisters but she's never met them, and she has a feeling she never will. Maybe one day she'll find them. Everyone should be found.

Avoiding any piece of floor that feels _empty_ the further she goes in the dark, she passes a corner and hears shuffling from the other end. She freezes, no one can see her, but the Oldies have some magic way of knowing things even when she's super sneaky. 

There's some sniffling down a hall somewhere - which overall, isn't so bad, (one time she heard screaming) she waits it out, and goes a different way. She continues padding along until she feels in the darkness what she's looking for, some sort of tug - a Wormhole - Or that's what Noa-chan called them when they were sharing some of their super secrets.

This one feels right, so she falls on her hands and knees, tying Kaeru around her neck so he's always with her and can hide his large head with bulging eyes in the crook of her neck if he needs to.

She feels along the ridges of the small tunnel, and crouches, patting her hands in front of her with every step. A few times her mask gets caught on a ridge and Kaeru dangles - but she doesn't dare take either of them off.

She knows the Oldies sometime look at her strange when they think she's not looking, but she doesn't know if it's because of the mask itself or because she's the one wearing it. She sniffs. They call it ANBU and she's pretty sure it's a bunny anyway.

Bo continues.

\--

Sakura is on a crunchy leaf bedding and the sensation that she feels things crawling on her is not the only thing keeping her from shutting her eyes and crying. She has an elbow around Sasuke's middle, feeling his stomach rise and fall, and her other hand is tightly holding Naruto's, his snores enough of an indicator.

She's checked and double checked the traps she set, the fake trail she made, using everything her Inners taught her. Anything she and her boys have is already tied to her so she get quickly get up and out, if necessary.

But the leaves crinkle when she breathes and sometimes Sasuke's breath just takes a second too long to return than she would like.

How is she suppose to go on tomorrow? She's _exhausted_ and her teammates are _heavy_. She has the height advantage, already she knows she has tall genes curtesy of her parents, she even knows 13 passed Kakashi's height, but her strength? she doesn't get the most of her bulk until later.

She should've refused the exams, but then who knows what would happen?

Now she just wants to sleep.

Padding footsteps are enough to forget about the prospect of catching a wink of sleep. She's up immediately, one kunai in each hand, and not quite managing to breath while trying to decide if she should risk it and relocate, or risk it and wait it out.

Then it clicks, that no one can just _pad_ around on dry leaves, that's the double advantage of Konoha nin travelling through branch, and she's so mad that her inners would do this to her when they were the ones who specifically told her she needs to get some rest in the first place!

And what kind of ninja doesn't even know how to _walk_?

_"Sakura-tan?"_

_Tan?_

With that high a voice she knows someone here better be mistaken.

_"Sakura-tan?"_

Ugh.

"There's no tan here hun," she whispers to the leaves, "Especially not with how young you sound." she scoffs, not worrying on how bad she's going to feel about it, she already feels like shit.

"Oh."

And hang on, why _is_ she so young?

_"But…"_ And she sounds so _small, "I just like it so… I thought…okay."_

Sakura is mildly panicking, she can't make a clear picture in her mind though, only the voice,

 _"Uhm. Sweetie?"_ She treads carefully, feeling like a hypocrite, " _How old are you?"_

_"Six and thirteen. Why?"_

They have a different way of counting age inside her head. Six years alive.

13 dead.

"So, you- you're the one who came before me?"

_"Yeah!"_ She says it like that isn't horrible in itself

This is all too close to her. All her inners are from the past, _old_ , like some weird bunch of older siblings that just know more because they came first- or at least that's how she always saw them, now the fact that they all lived in the same present is somehow something that she can't handle even though she _knows_ it.

Aren't they sick of more Sakura's coming and going? If there's another one, does that means they failed?

Is she already a failure? Even _more_?

And this one… she's so young! She barely even got a _chance_.

It... it shrivels something up in her and dies.

_What the hell happened at six?_

_"Sakura-chan?"_ Bo asks tentatively, she came here to help her, but her Little is quiet and she learned from the Oldies that silence isn't something they always want, even if they ask for it.

_"Why are you here Sak-- uh -- What's your name?"_

_"Bo."_ She smiles beneath her mask. " _I'm going to help you."_ When her Sakura doesn't reply she tries something else, _"Can I? You sound sad..."_

_Sad? Heh, Sad? No she's not sad she's angry._

Because she just discovered that she died at 6 years old, which no one thought to tell her about, and of course - how convenient is it that her inners disappear not only when she's having a crisis in the middle of this stupid forest, but then they decide to drop a kid with a senpai-complex on her.

That's just what she needs, another one to look after at the moment.

Thank you Inners. What great help you've been.

_"Sakura-chan? Are you there?"_

Sakura swallow's the choke and curls further next to her teammates, _"Just… leave me alone…"_

Bo is painfully silent.

________________________

When Sakura wakes up, dusty dry leaves are stuck to her cheeks and it takes her a minute to orient herself and figure out why.

When she remembers she crumbles them aside and starts her trek towards the tower with both her teammates on her back.

And for once in her _life_ time - things are completely silent.

______________________

Inside, Saki stands with her arms crossed watching their current forcefully make her way through the forest. Crushing leaves like they've personally offended her, and every once in a while looking up to the sun to determine how much time she has left.

Not much by Saki's count.

Sakumo's some meters away flips a page on his manga, but he's not really reading it - he's lying on his sleeping couch, glaring at her like she's the one specifically, to blame that the Current won't talk to him.

She knows that sometimes the two of them have late night bitching sessions.

They woke up today to find the Inner Door sealed shut and Saki sure isn't about to test the Outdoors for their status.

Noa tried blasting the white Inner door open before she got there, now it's covered with soot and scorch marks that would have faded who knows when if 13 hadn't decided it bothered her too much to be left alone. At least she can hope that Noa used the last of the explosives Deidara gave to her, for experience that usually takes a while to respawn.

A limping step and clicking claws alert Saki of Mei approaching from one of the halls. She is still looking up at the screen when Mei's _usually_ soothing voice greets her.

_"Saki…"_

She winces when she looks down at her, but hums lamely instead like she didn't notice the bags under her eyes - they all have their demons but it's their unspoken rule they don't ask about it.

_"Still no communications?"_ Mei asks while soothing Kurīmu's whines, ever since he met her while in Wave he likes barking near the door and startling her before he comes to wake Mei up.

_"Nothing."_ Saki replies and starts tapping her foot in a show of urgency when really she's worrying if she fucked up or not.

Kurīmu puts a paw on her foot to stop it and it's those big brown eyes are the ones that get to her.

She swallows, _"Do… Was I maybe too harsh on her?"_

Mei pets her ninken thankful he somehow brought it up, _"Well…"_ And Saki returns to tapping. _"Perhaps for her."_

_"Explain…"_

Kurīmu huffs and puts a paw on her foot once again.

Mei sighs, _"It means I've known you for over 20 lifetimes, but this Sakura has only known you for less than one."_ At Saki's still imploring glare she sighs, _"Listen… This is the side some have talked about but she herself hasn't experienced yet. It can be tough the first time y'know."_

_"What? Who talks about it?"_

Mei blushes, _"Well I don't keep log books…"_

They stay silent for awhile, then a sigh breaks free, _"I should apologize…right?"_

_"You do what you think is bes--"_

_"MAMAAA"_

Bo-tan's room is the closest to the common room (a perk of dying so recently) and Kurīmu is already trotting towards it when he stops and turns to his partner for permission. Mei nods and rubs her face, scrunching up the lines some inners would kill for.

_"What's wrong?"_

_"It's noth--"_

Saki's stops her right there.

Mei sighs and rubs her eyes, _"She slept bad tonight. I don't know why."_

Saki stomachs drops, _"Nightmares?"_

Mei nods.

_"She hasn't had those since--"_ …after she died.

Bo tan cries again, distress in her voice and this time it's accompanied by a bark. Mei goes and Saki follows when she sees Noa coming out another hall with more white clay.

_"No Noa!"_

\----------

She reaches the tower with tears building up in her eyes. Her entire body is working against her - or more like punishing her.

Her back and neck hurt from carrying her teammates, her arms trying to steady them, her thighs and calves are burning and the soles of her feet feel like they're swollen so much she won't be able to get them out of her shoes.

When she reaches the entrance she nearly cries from relief before she sees the steps leading up up _up_ \- she nearly gives in then and there. A few stray tears fall but she can't afford to wipe them with her teammates depending on her.

The shakes in her body have returned when she gets to the final floor and sees the board hinting at her to open both the scrolls at the same time. She doesn't even question it at this point, even it's a trick at least it'll end this nightmare.

Naruto and Sasuke thump to the ground as she falls too. The sun is nearly entirely set and Sakura rushes with both trembling arms to open her tarnished bag.

The sun goes lower and Sakura is sniffling when she finds the scrolls, now dirty and ruined from everything they’ve experienced through her. She just wants to finish this, she wants to be able to cry and sleep and have Kakashi comfort her with head pats and say she didn't do anything wrong - he'll be the only she believes anyway.

She's wishing Kakashi will be the one to appear when the scratches the scrolls open, she bites back a whimper when it isn't.

"Sakura-chan?" Iruka rushes through the white smoke and kneels before her while she can't hold back the tears from what feels like a disappointment of a lifetime. "What happened, are--" He curses once he sees her teammates behind her, something that makes her whimper even more.

Even though she can hear him shuffling and removing items to inspect her teammates, she can't help but feel like he's glaring at the back of her head while he does it.

"Are they okay?" But Sakura only lowers her head to the floor, digging her nails to the back of her head and crying, She hears him mumble "Oh Kami Naruto…"

_This isn't helping!_ She wants to scream.

There's more shuffling, and Sakura can feel the air displacing as if people are shushining and running around her. Her head snaps up in panic, its one thing for Iruka - the shinobi who cares for his students so much it's practically a weakness - to come close to her boys but anyone else?

She catches a hand in the corner of her vision and snaps at it with a satisfying crunch.

"Sakura?"

She looks down at him, "Sensei?"

"…Yes?"

Her vision start to blur and a high keening sound is coming out of her throat when she starts to curl in on her herself, suddenly ashamed. Then, a bony comforting hand is lowering her neck to curl under a masked chin while she cries.

Kakashi sits and gathers to tuck her in his arms, his nose working overtime in her hair, checking, probing, comforting. He blinks away his own soon-to-be tears and strokes her, trying to not be too obvious that he's checking over for physicals trauma like the others are doing for his boys.

He doesn't know what to say, how to comfort her other than what he's already doing, so he tries humming while she cries and sniffs.

"It's okay Sakura…", He holds her tighter when she whimpers, "I'm not going anywhere…" He tucks her in more, curled in his lap, and makes it his mission to kill what hurts his pack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh some mentor-student fluff for the soul.
> 
> Also It's my b-day soon (and look at me shamelessly saying it so I can get that sweet-sweet recognition) and I'd love to know whatever your thinking or feeling! I love hearing from you guys ^^
> 
> Till next time!  
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> So lemme know whatcha think, I'm a slut for internet validation.
> 
> <3


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